


your bones are held together by your nightmares and your frights

by itsafuckingdeathwish



Series: joshler ed au [2]
Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, M/M, This Is Sad, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 23:33:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14147058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsafuckingdeathwish/pseuds/itsafuckingdeathwish
Summary: Josh just wants to understand.Tyler just wants to be bones.





	your bones are held together by your nightmares and your frights

**Author's Note:**

> SERIOUS TW FOR: anorexia/eating disorders. if you think any of these things might trigger you please stop reading. stay safe x

Tyler loved bones. Bones were cold and delicate and beautiful. Bones meant that he was succeeding. Every new bone he could see was another step towards skinny. 

He loved seeing them shift under his skin as he moved. Sometimes he would rotate his wrists just to see that one bone on the side pop out then fade back into his arm, run his fingers across his shoulder blades to feel them moving.

His favorite hobby was seeing how far he could stick his fingers under his collarbones, just pushing them in and pulling them out, over and over and over again as he stared off into space.

But the thing he loved the most was how with every day he starved they appeared more and more, until at night when he couldn’t sleep --- which was every night ---- instead of counting sheep he could count his ribs just by trailing his fingers over them in the dark. 

Sometimes he wondered if maybe he should be concerned that his whole life revolved around bones. They were the sun and he was just a planet, spinning around them. Maybe those little bursts of light that he saw when he stood up were just the stars. It was a depressingly beautiful thought, which was the best kind anyway.

He knew this was morbid, but he couldn’t wait until he was dead and buried, and time would carve the ugly, disgusting fat and skin and flesh away until there was nothing left but pretty little bones in a cold dark grave and he could finally see every single one in all of its glory.  
(Except that he couldn’t)

Honestly, the only thing keeping him alive was Josh. The only thing he ever wanted time to do was to speed up, until this hunger was gone, and he would be skinny and perfect and everything would be okay. But when Josh was smiling at him with those huge fucking eyes, he never wanted time to move. Because it was --- he couldn’t feel anything but warmfuzzybright and sunshine on his face even when the sky was gray, because maybe Josh was his sun instead. When Josh was smiling, Tyler felt beautiful. He felt like enough, because he knew that to Josh he was, and Josh was really the only one who mattered. And when Josh was smiling, even just for a few seconds, everything was okay.

But right now, Josh wasn’t smiling. Sad gray storm clouds had drifted over the suns in his eyes. And nothing was okay.

“Tyler,” Josh said. “Tyler, please. Listen to me, Tyler.” All Tyler wanted was for Josh to stop saying his fucking name, especially like that, for him to stop looking at him like that, for the clouds to drift away and the birds to start singing and the sunshine to come back but when he glanced back up at Josh, his eyes were still cloudy and his face was still pleading.

When Tyler didn’t respond, Josh sighed a sad, defeated sigh that sound so so wrong coming from him.

They sat there in silence for a minute except for their heartbeats and tension. This wasn’t right. Tyler shouldn’t even have to think when talking to Josh, it should have been easier than breathing, but just the thought of opening his mouth made him feel like he would drown if he let the words spill out.  
Josh looked so small and helpless. “Please, at least tell me why.” His voice was too quiet and broken. Tyler wanted to do anything to make his smile come back, for the clouds to part, but he stayed silent and Josh stayed sad. 

He was screaming in his head though. Because I want to be perfect. Because I don’t want to be that fat anorexic. Because I know you think I’m enough for you, but I want to really be enough for you. Because I want to be fucking skinny.

As they sat there in silence, Tyler was perfectly perfectly still, and they sat there so long that eventually the gap between them bloomed into an ocean and it swallowed both of them and Tyler was just floating in the dark. And the saltwater ate away at him gently until all that was left of him was pretty little bones.

**Author's Note:**

> if you think you might have an eating disorder, please please please get help. I know it's really hypocritical but if you're suffering help is available. I'm not saying that anybody else's anorexia is like this, this is just my rambly thoughts at 2 am.  
> comments and kudos always appreciated, i love talking to you guys!  
> hmu on tumblr @livings-just-a-waste-of-death or @friendlyneighborhoodrexie


End file.
